Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
