dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
