please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
