i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
