I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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