my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
