I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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