Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
