booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
