Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
