i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
