I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
