he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
