Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wish my penis had a tongue
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
