Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
