There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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