I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
