can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
