ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
