There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
