my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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