Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
