I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
