I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
