Sponge bath it is.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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