She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
