I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
