Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
