i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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