not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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