I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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