how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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