new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
