Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
