someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
