remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
