You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
