At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
