fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
