Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
