Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
