They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
