how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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