I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
