I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
