you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
