It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
