some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
