I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
