i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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