Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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