Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
