Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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