His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
