Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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