Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish you could order shots online.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
